looking back, i wanted to do a post about my BMT till POP but it always slipped my mind. finally i’m back at it.
BMT let me learn quite alot, from conquering my fears, meeting good friends, doing things i never thought i could, achieve something i never thought ever possible, feeling better about myself, getting new clothes. all these good stuff but the bad thing was my freedom was cut, my time was squeezed, i had little time for church not because i did not want to go, but i didn’t have a chance for saturdays. throughout all the shit we went through, at least i emerged a winner, a winner over my previous physical self, something unimaginable. my first birthday slim, my first christmas and new years and not the last in Jesus name. there will never be a last !
right now, really only one thing is still stuck on my mind. the cheese. it turned so moldy, effing disgusting, piece of shit and i tried to get a taste of it. soon the appreciation and mental space for the blue cheese set in, it was difficult to get accustomed to, but i really tried for once to force myself to like it instead of throwing it away like i always used to. but this time, i threw it and covered the lid for good. never ever eating that piece of cheese. i feel shitty and disgusted because of that cheese and all for what ? to be fooled by the cool appearance of it, i thought i’d give it another shot. turned out, it was all just a facade. a facade i think full of lies. sad, but i have to give it up. there is no other choice. it’s a sad choice, real sad for me.
the good the bad the ugly. what has changed ?
